Stop It Granny
We’ve all heard the phrase, “You’re too young to be thinking about settling down with anybody” or “You need to have as much fun as you possibly can while you’re young.” Personally, I’ve heard this on repeat since I was a kid. I understand what they’re saying, I just don’t agree. I also don’t agree with people pushing their own regrets, ideas, and mistakes on other people, but that’s for a different post.
Since I was young, my goal was to eventually be married when I became of age. Growing up, I was always looking to be in a relationship. My first one was in 5th grade with…….nevermind, just know that I was in 5th grade. My point is, I’ve conditioned myself to be a good man to a good woman for a large span of my life. Unfortunately, this mindset falls into the minority with men.
People, in their infinite wisdom (insert sarcasm here), will advise against this lifestyle and will even mock you for wanting ONE person to spend the rest of your life with. Most of these people are too closed minded to imagine life as a faithful human being, or they may simply be unhappy PERIOD. Isn’t it insane that the MOST miserable people will attempt to have the MOST say so with the way that you live your life? Sorry, that’s another post as well. I need to focus.
Imagine if I grew up as a complete misogynistic asshole, or fuckboy. How on Earth would I know how to treat anybody that I wanted to actually be with? More importantly, how would I even know the TYPE of person that I wanted to be with? If your answer is anything other than, “you wouldn’t,” then you’re wrong. You can just close the blog and return to your corner. The truth is, thinking about settling down at an early age rewarded me with the experience and wisdom to at least have an idea of the type of woman I wanted, know what I’m willing to deal with in a relationship, and how to treat a woman that actually met my dating criteria.
These are all lessons that most of our generation is not even close to learning. Most of us have “hoed” around our entire lives and have developed absurd ideas about the how, when, and why of relationships. I’ll use Cardi B’s marriage to Offset as an example. Offset cheated on Cardi. This would be considered a FOUL in ANY relationship other than an open relationship. However, men and women are jumping to Offset’s aid and telling Cardi to take him back because, “All men cheat,” “Marriage is supposed to be through thick and thin,” and “Everybody makes mistakes.” (Insert eye roll here).
First of all, all men DO NOT cheat. We’ve become such a society full of unfaithful individuals that cheating has become normalized and some men and women are now okay with their partner sleeping around. Aht! KILL ALL OF THAT. If your partner cheats on you, then you OBVIOUSLY aren’t valuable enough for them to remain faithful to. We have to STOP inviting unfaithful individuals back into our lives. In most cases, you’ll end up taking them back. You’ll break up later on from an issue that’s rooted in lack of trust. Then they’ll go out and do it to the next person because YOU took them back when they did it to you. Now, you’re a broken mess that has serious trust issues. These trust issues prevent you from giving the next person a proper chance regardless of how good they are for you. Simultaneously, this also plants a seed of bitterness in the victim of your issues. This bitterness can be directed toward your specific race, age, or your entire gender. It’s a vicious cycle that we NEED to break.
Secondly, I agree that marriage is supposed to be through thick and thin. The question is: HOW thin? In my opinion, there has to be a limit on how thin ONE individual can push the parameters of a marriage. To me, thin is a stressful situation that both parties of the marriage enter into TOGETHER. For instance, a decision to uproot the family and move them across the country. Thin is NOT complete selfishness. Thin is NOT adultery. Thin is NOT physical or mental abuse. Thin is NOT intentional neglect. I feel as though toxic individuals in marriages and relationships use this vow as a crutch rather than simply conducting themselves in a manner that’s beneficial to their partner or overall situation.
I shouldn’t even have to address the third one, but you all already know I am anyway. Everyone does make mistakes, but some mistakes aren’t exactly mistakes. A mistake is usually a momentary lapse of judgement. Any “mistake” that could negatively affect your partner and way of life is NOT a mistake, it’s a POORLY calculated decision. A decision is something that takes thought, time, or instinct to make. Many people will make poorly calculated decisions that negatively affect their relationship and then chump the decisions off as mistakes. They convince their partner that this decision was a mistake and their partner runs with it using the phrase, “everybody makes mistakes,” as backup to defend the offending partner.
I don’t consider adultery, or cheating, to ever be a mistake. There is too much thought, too much time, and too much effort that goes into cheating for it to be a mistake. Especially since the engaging partner can back out of the situation at ANY time. There’s no amount of seduction, temptation, alcohol, or drugs that should leave you in a situation where you’re in a bed or mentally unfaithful situation with someone who is not your significant other.
Okay, I’m done venting. I HAD a real topic for you guys, I promise. It just ended up turning into about 5-6 different ones. Sorry about that. Anyways, I’ll have a bit of free time on my hand this semester since I won’t be taking classes until the Fall, so I’ll be updating the blog every Friday. I also have an important announcement and I’m super excited because it’s something that I’ve wanted to do since the day I began blogging.
My Twin Flame (Look it up)/girlfriend/future wife/ pre-engaged Queen/everything will be posting content to the blog. This lady honestly has more sense than me and you combined. Plus her style of writing is, for lack of better words, beautiful. She’s working on something right now as I speak……I mean type.
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Peace and blessings as usual.